Bay To Breakers : 2005
Woke up, got up near 7 O’clock threw on my runnin attire and BART’ed and MUNI’ed into the city con mi padre. For those unfamiliar with BART Train, MUNI Bus, and other archaic forms of public transportation lemme lay it down for ya illigits right quick : You have a tedious game of “tug-the-dollar” with the ticket machine till it shits out a lil blue ticket that grants you access to the BART train. I’ve never met this BART guy before, but I hope he knows people piss in his train and fart in his seats. As for Mr. Muni, he must be aware that some of his riders reek of P’tuli. Anyway, enough digression…We got off BART at a quarter after 8:00, which meant that we were 10 minutes late, years from the start line, and the Kenyans were prolly already halfway finished.
One of the coolest things about Bay To Breakers is the fatty tortilla fight ( video 7 mb ). This year I was sure to come prepared, oh and notice the bitchin NBHQ beater, custom made by my pops. Yeh thats right, my pops, slash running buddy, slash temp photographer ( he took all the pics this year, so if they suck it’s his fault ). After my 50 tortillas were hurled into the sea of runners like stones in a big smelly pond, I tried to penetrate the masses, and believe me when I say there was an assload of people, and by assload, I mean assload!, 60,000 easy. Everyone has bib numbers with mad digits, I was 39,361 and my pops was 39,362, the Kenyans had numbers 1-7…fancy that.
8:45 – we cross the starting line, tens of thousands of people in front of me, and tens of thousands behind me, including my dad ;). The first mile or so is really a crawl cause of all the drunkin staggering irish and slow batches that jus get in the way of me, Mister Speedy Gon-fucking-zales. Speakin of which, peep this broad throwin up the M-E-X, in yo face! Pope was there, he really is a down to earth guy, which is comforting to know cause…pope on a rope, thats why. Heres a guy on stilts, how bout that eh? Once again, my dad took these so… ;P. Once I broke through the “Human Wall” and got to the second mile or so I was makin some damn good time, passin bias up with the quickness, powered up Hayes Hill and carefully even ran down it, ( thank you to Eebs for the downstair training ). Mile 5 : I ran paste the buffalo in Golden Gate Park, thought I was trippin out after I saw a group of people in dead fish costumes dancing in unison. Gravity starts to push a little harder at Mile 6 and you can cook an egg on my tits, or hatch one in my armpit only to die by the fumes. After I saw the 7 mile mark I sprinted it, realizing that the Kenyans had probably finished half an hour ago and my dad was prolly callin a cab by now. And so I finished, came in 9855th place ( checked online ) with a time of like 1:50, but ya know…we dint really start till like 40 mins into the race…either way, my dad beat me last year, and this time round I beat him by half an hour and he got 19220th place. The student has become the teacher old man…
Went to Footstock afterwards, lookin to meet up with my LONG LONG lost dad, and grab some meat on a stick. Twas an eversweet reunuion indeed, poppa recollected seein some naked people and gettin the camera out to exploit and capture the beauty! He got himself a kick out of it, aint nothin but an old meng thang.
Kisses my stompers for gettin me through such a trek with minimal blistering, and picked some ORANGE flowers sweet like someone I know ;). Got on Mr. MUNI’s bus and headed home, to deliver some flowers ;).
Click here to see all the pics from Bay to Breakers 2005 (49 pics)
Click here to see all the pics from Bay to Breakers 2004 (25 pics)
Click here to see all the pics from Bay to Breakers 2004 (25 pics)
– Crasy ish with legos
– Babes
– Kelly Osbourne – Big girl
– False alarm : Chappelle not crazy
– German Addicting Game – Submitted by Gio
– Click this for NBHQ
Eeb’s “Relatively Small” Social Gathering
Eebs and I let our testicular fortitude overwhelm logical thought last night when we decided that it would be a night of good times, good people, and cheap beer. It’s a tid difficult to recollect all of last nights happenings, but with the help of incriminating photographical aide I will certainly try for yas. At first it was jus Pinky, Eebs, and I cleanin up shop so we could better accommodate the “relatively small” amount of guests. A fire was lit so feet could be kept toasty, Derek’s services were called upon cause we needed a full-bodied cranium to wipe down the counter with. The Pinkster and I may have gotten a little headstart on the whole beverage race but I could guarantee this little lady right here was in a close second. Jack and Jill made it up the hill and blessed us all with a visit, and even laid some shit down on the ol pong table. Meanwhile, Eebs and Kelly were inside lookin at baby Eebies in ol photo books I’m guessin, but the cool people stayed in el garage. In case you didn’t know, Kairon has a new life partner who gives out supreme neck massages, but has little endurance and tends to take frequent breatheres in lawn chairs (notice his eyes haha). Myself on the other hand loaded up on ginseng and wheatgrass before I arrived so I was wired like a…knot..factory and was takin pics with all kindsa celebrity peeps! I got one with Jessica Biel, Cinderella, Ashlee Simpson, Lindsay Lohan, and even Brad Pitt! Needless to say, I was having a very good time and owe several thanks to my good buddy and our fearless host Eebs himself. Yeh and as I stated earlier Emily was pretty effin effed up, the atmosphere was rather romantic at the foot of the staircase and I was fortunate enough to witness the sacred female on female bonding ritual followed by some explicit nude tongue in cheek sloppy girl on girl action LIVE XXX (NOTE: not for the squeamish or faint of heart) Pinky even peaked his pink little head through the door to spectate such a sacred event, and I made this crazy ass chin face. Oh and did I mention Sum Yung Fuk spilled his/her beer on Matty’s exquisitely tasteful rug, that’s a definate party foul if I do say so myself (and I do). And so the night wore on, ninjas were dropping left and right, I went into chillax mode after the effects of my ginseng and wheatgrass were overwhelmed by the euphoric forces of the aged oats and barley set in. Soon enough the sun was about to come up again and only four of us remained, and so fifty-two cards were brought out and kings was played. Eebs pondered while Ash’ms eyes wandered all the while everything kinda looked like this…
– Mail Order Chickens
– Rap’s Forefathers
– Weirdest Site Ever
– Turning an Acura into a Ferrari
Gettin A Lot Off My Chest
Wow, it would appear the teachers have me and the rest of my classmates (of the same gender) by the balls as of late. I’ve never had so much ba-dunka-dunk junk to do in sucha cramped amount of time, and believe me, I got the cramps. Why they gotta cram me with this jibba? Why do they find it so utterly neccesary to cramp my style? Surely they know I have half-dozens of loyal and deserving fans that NEED to be informed jus HOW LONG my nap sessions are and jus HOW tight my educators are applying the vice grips to my testiculars…But uh, I’m hopin once I get past this “fart gust” of homework and “ass tsunami” of projects than it’ll be clearr sailing down shit creek. Also, please be informed that I absolutely LOATHE feces and positively DETEST mayonaise…That is all…Oh and I also tend to dot dot dot when I plan on filling space and bulkin up the word count so it looks like I’m writing more about cool stuff that really isn’t happening because I need a god damn poop-tube to stay afloat in this piss pool of school..fool. Wasnt that cool?
Your wondering why Sideshow Bob is shown in the top left in the conventional benchpressing position eh? So ya know how I have weight lifting as a class 4th period? Well now ya do. I’ve been hittin up that bench pretty hard lately, (among other things) started out the year strugglin with 185 lbs and now, 65 pounds and 3 G’s worth of anabolic steroids later you’ll find my name on the Aragon Bench Board for 2 5 0 pounds baby…It’d be nice to hit at least 275 by the end of the year and at least 300 before I graduate from this place. Now if I can only get to liftin dem grades eh?
Speakin of good time kick ass matters, I went to Celia’s, a fine-by-me Mexican resturaunt that meets all of my Mexican needs and than saturates them in the yummy yummy expand my tummy fried ice cream. My reaction? Wow. I thank the scientist community of the world for applying themselves for generations and unlocking the secrets on how to fuckin DEEP FRY ice cream…I feel sorry for the poor saps who might have lived their whole lives without being exposed to the technological advancements that those fortunate enough to be living today, can spoon down our lucky little gullets. God bless you Celias…Yo quiero tu.
Went downtown with somma my boys the other night, yeh Matty Ebert drove, and yeh we had pizza, and you better fuckin believe it was Pizza My Heart. No I didn’t bring my camera, but Allah as my witness I will next time cause you can bet your mommas southern can there were some powerful photo ops that the press woulda loved to get their grubby little hands on. Like maybe a movie of Eebs studdering and stammering than bursting into uncontrollable laughter, or maybe a still shot of Pinky flipping off a officer of the LAW, or the infamous shot of like fourteen naked girls makin out. You love it.
I went to longs and had about 75 pics developed that I had takin with my digital camera, which is pretty fuckin high on the kickass meter. I highly recommend that if you have takin, or been a part incredibly cool photographs, that you have them printed out, costs .29 cents per 4×6 and they are .19 cents if you buy more than 25, and 75 is more than 25 and 75 is 50 more than 25 therefore they are unequal. So what I got out the experience was, a loss of twenty three dollars and fourty nine cents, and not one but two bulletin boards fulla insanely badass shots of my lovers and friends. Rasta!
– Supersuit?
– Largest Humans Ever
– aqua teen carl soundboard
– pedros house from napoleon dynamite
– Make Your Own Boyband
– Free Ass Paste
– World Jump Day
– No Armed Swimmer
– My Friend Todd Morrison
Spring Break ’05
Oh how I missed you all so very much! Spring break set a new standard for what is “the shit” and what quite frankly…no longer is. Example? beer pong is the shit, bobbing for diet A&W inna tub full of ice…no longer is. But I’ll get back to that..Now how many of you can say that you and your buddy fuckin tripped it a buncha hours and even more miles to Cal Poly to stay wiff his brudda and his frat fellas? Cause…I can say that. Musta been about five or six hours my ass was lucky enough to plop down on Eebsies heated, reclinable, leather seats in his smooth sailin vehicle. Ten CD’s and two Double-Doubles later we arrived at the SAE house and were greeted with quite a view not to mention this chilled out herbivore that goes by Grant. Lotta shallow days and hollow night spent at this pad, video games were played, bombass steak was eaten, and Eebs and I both got to know Brooke the dog. Oh yeh, they had a goat in the backyard too. AND an outside couch that pictures were takin on, hell, Eebs got one in as well. That’s really all the photos my conscience will permit me to put up, we got reps to uphold knaw mean? Let the imagination soar on that one 😉
Onwards to Santa Barbara, home of the sexy ass beaches and very laid back bicycle riders (as oxymoronic as that sounds). There we stayed with Eeb’s sister, in her amazin abode that she was inhabited by her fellow sorority sisses. They didn’t have a goat or anything but they get to walk in their backyard every morning and look out onto this. Santa Barbara seems to be a hellova place, did I mention the beaches?
Now..me and Matty boy got down jus about every night but our biggest night had to be the Santa Barbara Houseparty…It went like this: two keggers chilled by Mr. Kegorater, mucho sausage, females looked like they were facing extinction cause I only saw a couple, and by a couple I mean one and two. I forgot to catch anyones name at that fiesta..but by the end of the night they had all heard of Brady and Eebs, the rugby playing Yale students visiting family in Santa Barbara. I made buddy buddies with terminator, these guys, jesus, these bias, shit man, even made frisky with Eebs himself. I duwanna list anymore peopole so I wont. Few hours into the wild and crazy rumpus we departed and made our many unfaltering steps down the street, past the bob marley house, stopped so Eebs could water a bush, and took a picture mid-sneeze. 4:30 rocked and rolled around, our bellies ready to foam back up any minute, so we fell asleep in the car. End of story. Morals? Park close.
Click here to see all the shots from the party – Click here to see all the shots from the rest of the trip
Got home last night and took immediate advantage of my newfound bronzey glow and headed over to my ol pal Sasha’s, she’s the one who was rockin the soda filled ice tub, dint stay too long, in fact…I kinda jacked some of her guests and brought em back to my place for popcorn and lemonade. Room was pretty full but we made do. Natalie made an appearance too, with her busted ass cholar bone. Buncha the ladies threw together some flyass fan signs, Melissa made one, Natalie did one, and even this girl did one (whos name escapes me..)
Oh by the way did you happen to notice the April Fools MySpace page? Eh, eh? :D. Good junk eh? Jeez some of you fools take some shit hella seriously, I got about four assloads of e-mails from my most concerned of viewers and angered bias who swore to never come back to NBHQ and even some creepy emo fools who wanted to swap pics. Ixnay on the emo trash, thanks anyways. Love and peace sweethearts.
– The Official Pope Countdown
– Worlds Ugliest Shirt
– Crazy ass rap sheet
– Solar Death Ray